On day zero the FSM created God

It is an article of Reformed Pastafarian faith that on day zero of creation, the FSM created God, the Abrahamic God who then proceeded to create the universe starting on day one. The FSM has always referred to the Abrahamic God as Mr Deity.


The FSM has been rather disappointed in Mr Deity's refusal to profess faith in the FSM and although initially the FSM had no plans for a judgement day, he has now come round to the idea, in particular after witnessing Mr Deity's promotion of the concept. So the FSM has decided to use Mr Deity's own rules to judge him.

Lust
To start with, the FSM would like to know more about a rather unusual liaison with a teenage girl called Mary. Details are rather sketchy, but the FMS would like some specifics cleared up.
Some questions have also been asked about why nuns have referred to themselves as brides of Christ. What exactly is going there? Though the FSM would like to go on record as saying that the idea that convents mirror harems being lined up for Christ's return sounds preposterous.

Wrath
The ethnic cleansing of the Amalekites orchestrated by Mr Deity needs to be fully investigated. There have been reports that Mr Deity said: go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.
The FSM does not want to jump to any conclusions but he would like to hear an explanation from Mr Deity.

Pride
Mr Deity has been accused of showing excessive pride in his own achievements, in particular bearing in mind the sloppiness of his work while creating the universe. The FSM was unimpressed that Mr Deity aparently deliberately brought into existance childhood cancer.

Sloth
Mr Deity has been accused of being excessively lazy, in particular for doing nothing at all to prevent recent human atrocities and natural disasters, most recently in Haiti. Mr Deity has some explaining to do. His initial excuses which cite human freewill have not been coherent.

Envy
Mr Deity has shown excessive jealousy of other gods and has become unreasonably angry when people who call him by the wrong name. The FSM does not approve of his commandment not to have other gods before him.

Eternal Torture
The FSM is strongly against both the use of torture and the use of threats of torture. When accused of setting up an eternal torture camp, Mr Deity has responded that in fact the threats of torture in the New Testament were indeed just that: threats. The torture camp called Hell was in fact never constructed nor were there any real plans to construct it. The FSM has, alas, seen some conflicting evidence. Either way, he still wishes to censure Mr Deity for his use of the threat of torture, which the FSM deems to be a form of emotional torture.

Dogs have 7 legs and nature is never cruel to people

As all pastafarians know, all dogs have 7 legs. Some people have claimed that when they look at dogs they seem to have only four legs. However that is of course just an optical illusion. From our faith we know the truth, dogs have 7 legs each. In the photo below we can see how easily our eyes can be fooled. It looks like this dog has only 1 leg:


We all know that the benign Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe and that he loves everyone of us. Some claim that
(i) we can see the mind of the creator in the way that nature treats humans since he was the designer behind nature.
(ii) all evidence suggests that nature shows no compassion for the individual
(iii)frequently nature is very cruel to individuals
(iv) thus there is good reason to believe that the creator either doesn't care about people or is cruel.
But again they are mistaken. It is here that faith can lead us to the truth, that the Flying Spaghetti Monster who created us all cares for us and that nature is not cruel to people. When evidence and faith clash, we know we should always trust faith, then we will be able to pass this wonderful gift of faith on to our children.

Supporting the Pirates

As everyone knows, the leading cause of global warming over the past century has been the tragic decline in the number of pirates. But all is not lost. We have seen a miraculous increase over the past few years.



We would like to congratulate the hosts of The Pirate Bay for their fine work. They offer a place of refuge for pirates who have been shunned by society for a few centuries.

Sadly it has come to our attention that there is a repulsive minority who work in the music industry who are utterly amoral and seek to take money from people who just want to listen to music. The battle between good and evil wages on. Though we know that in the end, good will always triumph.

The Pirate Bay users are a kindly lot. They share what the have with their neighbours, even though in many cases their neighbours live on the other side of the world and they've never actually met. But we applaud their virtue.

In other news, we're proud to announce that Reformed Pastafarianism is now on facebook.

Religious Quotes Quiz: Who said what

Do you know your religious quotes? Why not try the simple quiz below.



Question 1: who said the following:
Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad


Question 2: who said the following:
It's better for a leader to make a mistake in forgiving than to make a mistake in punishing.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 3: who said the following:
To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 4: who said the following:
Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 5: who said the following:
I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 6: who said the following:
Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 7: who said the following:
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 8: who said the following:
If people do not recognize me and it doesn't bother me, am I not a Superior Man?
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 9: who said the following:
The best among you are those who are best to their wives.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

Question 10: who said the following:
Anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.
Choose one of the following answers:
(i) Buddha
(ii) Confucius
(iii) Jesus
(iv) Muhammad

The answers are in the first comment below.

If you want to try this quiz on facebook, click here

The immorality of seat-belts

The Amalek, who is head of the Reformed Pastafarian church has recently returned from a very successful trip to Africa. He had a wonderful opportunity to give some moral guidance to the people who flocked to listen to him as he travelled.

Of particular concern to the peace-loving Amalek is the wide-spread use of seat-belts in cars though-out the world and in Africa in particular. First and foremost they are simply immoral. They are absolutely against the Flying Spaghetti Monster's will.


If someone wears a seat-belt, it is a firm statement they he doesn't trust in the Flying Spaghetti Monster to protect him. That is a grave insult to Him. Also it is clear that the people who wear seat-belts drive without due care for other road users. They make people drive recklessly. Seat-belts are a major cause of accidents.

In an ethical society, people will drive safely and carefully they will not speed and they will not drink and drive. Then there will be no accidents. That is the ideal for which we strive. Each day people in cars are faced with a moral question, whether to trust the Flying Spaghetti Monster or to indulge in a sinful act and put on that seat-belt.

Pastafarian Morality

Airport security checks are an insult to My word

I am the Lord, your Flying Spaghetti Monster and I tell you:

when you are struck on one cheek you should turn the other one so that you may be struck on that one too.

So when someone wants to attack you, you must let him and do not prevent him in any way what-so-ever. Airport security checks are an insult to Me and My word.

Dummy passes, padded bras and high heels are no-no's.

It is immoral to lie or to deceive.

If you are playing a sport, you must not deliberately mislead your opponent. For example if you are playing tennis, it is a sin to act like you are about to hit the ball to the right but actually hit it to the left.

A footballer should not pretend to pass the ball, when he really intends to run with it.

For women, it is wrong to wear padded bras. It is simply not honest. On the other hand, I encourage nudity.

The purpose of high heels is to give a misleading impression of the true height of the wearer. That is being not being truthful.

If you meet someone whom you are not please to see, then you should not smile, as that would give the false impression that you are happy to see that person.

Message from the Amalekites

The head of the Reformed Pastafarian church has the title Amalek and his council of advisers are known as the Amalekites. On a spiritual level we have a heritage that stretches back for almost 3,000 years. We started out as a tribe in the middle east and used fight with our neighbours.



However the modern Amalekites are pacifists and don't seek confrontation with anyone. In particular we have utmost admiration for the Jewish people and their many achievements. We recognise the state of Israel and encourage everyone to respect its sovereignty.
We are aware that there has been some serious discord in the past and we offer a full and unreserved apology for all offences carried out in our name and by our members, in particular, but not exclusively, in the fourth century BC.

Modern Amalekites preach tolerance, respect for all religions and peace.

Sadly, it has come to our attention, that a tiny fanatical minority like to read books which encourage people to kill us and our children. There is no place in a civilised country for tomes that claim that some supernatural being would ask people to: go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey

So our request to the public, both faithful Pastafarians and others, is that if you ever see a book which encourages horrible acts against us Amalekites, please report it to us and indeed to the relevant authorities.

We firmly believe that when there is a respect for diversity we can all get along. There is no need for violence or hatred. However, we need to be vigilant, not just watching out for vile acts but also alert to the danger posed by those who distribute material encouraging ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity. We should not tolerate publications which encourage the killing of innocent men, women and children, whether they be Amalekites or indeed anyone else.