I’d Really Rather You Didn’t
Within the religious parody represented by the Pastafarian beliefs, there is a statement which says the earth was stable thanks to the pirates’ presence. Once their number began to reduce, global warming arrived. This is the reason behind the phenomenon occurring every Halloween: the global temperature drops a little, thanks to the fact that there are many people dressed as pirates.
Based on this belief, one Pastafarianism main figures is Captain Mosey (a parody of the biblical character Moses), who bestowed his teachings on complete spiritual life to all the peoples of the world.
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster states that the Captain received the writings directly from FSM on the summit of Mount Salsa, which he received in the form of ten tablets of stone, which were called the ten “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”, although the captain then called them the Ten Commandments. Before reaching Captain Mosey’s ship Lasagne, two tables fell off, lost their information forever, so from this moment on, there were only Eight Commandments.
The Eight Commandments
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t act like a sanctimonious Holier-Than-Thou ass when describing my Noodly Goodness
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay?
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynist, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t build multimillion-dollar churches/temples/mosques/shrines to my Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t go around telling people I talk to you
- I’d Really Rather You Didn’t “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/Las Vegas.